What's
the tea ?
Some conversations are meant to be had over a cup of tea.
Welcome to Weekly Tea - our little corner for the conversations we have with our girls, the opinions we all secretly have, and the situations that make us say, “Okay… but what would you do?”
Because let's be honest, sometimes you just need to sit down with your girls and talk it out. Whether we're agreeing, disagreeing, sharing stories, or seeing a situation from a completely different perspective, there's always something to talk about.
And there are no right or wrong answers here. Maybe you'll relate, maybe you'll disagree, or maybe you'll find yourself thinking about something a little differently.
Why Do We Feel Guilty for Saying No?
We say yes when we don't want to. We agree to plans we're already wishing we could cancel. We answer messages when we're exhausted, take on favours, and sometimes change our minds just to avoid making someone else uncomfortable. And then, when we finally do say no, the guilt kicks in. It's funny how quickly a simple boundary can turn into an entire internal debate.
I think part of the problem is that we've been taught to associate being a “good” person with being agreeable, helpful, and easygoing. Saying yes can feel like the nicer thing to do, even when saying no would be better for us. But being considerate doesn't mean being available all the time.
You can care about someone and still not want to make plans. You can love your friends and need a night to yourself. You can understand that someone needs help and still not have the capacity to give it. You can say no without having a dramatic reason behind it. And yet, “I just don't want to” somehow doesn't feel like enough.
People-pleasing isn't always about wanting everyone to like us. It's about avoiding the discomfort that comes with disappointing people. We don't want to create awkwardness, seem difficult, or make someone feel let down. So we make ourselves uncomfortable instead.
We say yes, and then spend the rest of the day wishing we hadn't.
The hardest part is realizing that someone's disappointment doesn't automatically mean you've done something wrong. They might have wanted you to come, help, stay, or make an exception. They can be disappointed, and you can still stand by your decision. Their feelings don't have to become your responsibility. And saying no doesn't need to come with a ten-minute explanation either. Sometimes we give so much context because we're hoping the other person will understand our decision well enough that we won't feel guilty anymore. But a boundary doesn't become more valid because someone else agrees with it.
Saying no might still feel uncomfortable. You might still feel guilty or wonder if you handled it the right way. That's normal. The goal isn't to suddenly stop caring about how other people feel. It's learning that discomfort doesn't always mean you've done something wrong.
